Have you ever feel like escaping from your own home? Not because you were feeling adventurous and just staying at home makes you feel like a sore loser. But because your home doesn't feel like home to you anymore. Like as if you were staying in a foster home instead; the people around you seemed foreign and none shares the same bloodline as you. As if you were staying with strangers instead of what you call as family.
Well I do. Every single day. Home never felt the same way as it used to be. I remember when I was little, I got separated from my parents, and both of them were so worried they might lose me. But I was not scared at that time, I was busy having fun. Maybe, just maybe, I was born independent, but I just don't know how to embrace it, yet. I think I can now. Now that everything is falling apart.
I got sick and tired of living in this house. I think every one of us is losing our minds; with all that shouting and screaming, and arguing back and forth, honestly it gives me major headaches. The pain was so intense, I could smash my head against my bedroom wall and paint it red. Even if I do, I doubt anyone would care. No one cares anymore in this house. Not even when I was held at gunpoint.
I am stuck in between four walls with no windows and doors, and day by day, they would inched closer and closer, suffocating me. I knew I was going to die, because I know no one will ever save me without sacrificing themselves. It is better to let one die than all of us altogether.
Proving a point in this house is never easy. It is as if you are talking (or screaming) to a brick wall. And I wish, that maybe, someone outside this house, could hear us. At least I know, there is more to life outside these four walls. I feel myself rotting in my own bedroom, locking myself, even skipping meals so I would not bumped into any one of them. There is no point. We were already strangers, passing each other like a ghost. There is no point.
My home is not my home anymore. It is somebody else's. I need to find my home.
0 comments:
Post a Comment