disappointed

"I think I might have ruined you."

You did.

sick

You shouldn't have seen that side of me. Now you would think I'm insane. You keep on telling me it'll be okay, when you know it's not the same anymore. You threatened to tell mom about my condition, but I threatened you not to. They wouldn't understand I said. Maybe they would you assured. But they won't, they seriously won't.

first runner up

I'm tired of trying to be someone's first choice,

because in the end,

I'm always everyone's second best.

going back to yesterday

What if we never met?

what changed?

How did we become from friends to strangers so fast?

not so numb anymore

It shouldn't affect me so much.

But it did.

It fucking did.

i hate you, i hate you so much

"IT SCARES ME BECAUSE YOU KNEW HOW MUCH YOU MATTERED TO ME; YOU SAID YOU FELT THE SAME WAY. HOW DID YOU LIE TO MY FACE, HOW DID YOU JUST WALK AWAY? I DON'T THINK I WILL EVER TRUST SOMEONE AS BLINDLY AND WHOLEHEARTEDLY AS I TRUSTED YOU. I HATE YOU FOR WHAT YOU DID TO ME. BUT OH MY GOD, THE TWISTED PART IS, I STILL THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU."

top of my wishlist

I want to cut that beating vein on my wrist.
I want to slice my throat and watch myself bleed.
I want to suffocate myself and feel myself slowly dying.
I want to drown my body in the vast ocean and watch it swallow me whole.
I want to harm myself in any way possible.
I want to end it.
I want to kill it.
I want to stop my beating heart.
I want to make it stop.
I want to see my eyes roll to the back of my head.
I want to feel myself gasping for air.
I want to be dead.
I want to die.

notice me

Amidst it all,

you are still the person I crave for

every day of my life.

you know nothing

You don't know the voices inside my head at night, that are screaming at me, telling me off. You don't know the monsters I faced at midnight, how hungry they were for my soul, how they want to eat me alive. You don't know the dark shadows I fight with at 2A.M, they tried restraining my body to my bed, holding me captive. Don't tell me how depressed and sad you are, when you only felt half the battle I faced.

is it my turn now?

You're the type that always make time for your friends.

And I am a friend of yours for years.

But you never made time for me.

When will it be my turn?