blank canvas

I am like a blank sheet of paper; white and empty. While others are pages full of words. I am waiting for mine to be written, to be doodled, anything to keep me less empty. I am still waiting for something great to happen, something to fill this blank piece of paper of mine. I was written before, but no words were good enough to fill the emptiness; another paper crumpled and thrown to the bin. I lay alone on a table, waiting and watching while others' were beautifully written by hands of a poet, by fingers of an artist. They were published, they were sold as a masterpiece. They were made into paperbacks, into portfolios. They were brought around for recognition. But me, I am still lying on the table, feeling blank and empty. Nothing good has ever happened to me, nothing worth to be written down on, nothing. Because a blank canvas will remain empty.

like a rubic's cube

You are so complicated, I just can't.

sealed lips

"Okay, I don't have anything nice to say. You always say you don't want to hurt people but you always end up hurting them indirectly, and then put the blame on them. I made it obvious I don't like the guy but you still carried on talking about him, to me. So yeah, you can do whatever you want. I have nothing else to say."

impossible

I saw you walking around town with a girl I knew could have been yours. The two of you looked perfect together with matching smiles. It could have been us, but what was I thinking? The thought of us together was ridiculous and merely impossible.

a message to you girls

To all the girls who has never got their hearts broken,

Do not listen to all those sweet nothings.

Do not expect too much from them.

Do not plan your future with them.

Do not get fooled by their looks.

Do not trust every single word they said.

Do not make promises with them.

Please, do not fall in love.

deadly obsession

The thought of you with someone else pains me to the point where I want you dead, and I can be dead with you, so no one else can have you but me.

unspoken love

I am touched by the silence

in between our moments of closeness.

There were no words spoken

but I can hear every word you said

with every beat of your heart.

fast times

We used to be close, really close.

I told you my story, you told me yours.

We were there for each other, from the beginning.

But things have changed, as time goes by.

You have your own life, I have mine.

Now we were never there, not anymore.

lost

I lost the love I love the most.

breathe again

All I had, all I need, is the air I would kill to breathe.

peaches

It is in you, to carry on.

a killer

You thought I wouldn't do such things, but I have killed most of you in my dreams.

car radio

Sometimes quiet is violent

I find it hard to hide it

My pride is no longer inside

It's on my sleeve

My skin will scream

Reminding me of who I killed

Inside my dream

I hate this car that I'm driving

There's no hiding for me

I'm forced to deal with what I feel

There is no distraction to mask what is real

I could pull the steering wheel.

a beautiful mess

Every morning

she would look into her bathroom mirror

and wonder who is the girl

staring back at her.

She looked dead in the eyes

chapped lips and crooked smile

with skin as pale as winter

covering her whole flesh and blood.

She touches her flaws

eyes, nose, mouth and cheeks

but her wrists were the most beautiful

full of scars; memories.

She remembers every one of them

the good and the bad

she cut to stop the pleasure

she cut to numb the pain.

So every night

she would look into her bathroom mirror

and adore her beautiful creation on her wrists

each stroke, each cut, represents a hidden memory.

maniac in love

He watched her with burning passion. Everything she does, screamed beautiful; from the way she smiles at strangers, to the way she talks with pure sweetness in her voice. Honestly, she drives him crazy, to the point where all he could think about is her, like a maniac in love.

my everything

He watched her sitting at the sidelines, busying herself with a book she borrowed from the library every Monday. Slowly, she smiled at something she read, oh what a lovely view. It's already 4 in the afternoon, the cheerleaders are already warming up for practice, and I can see her watching them with awe and a tint of sadness. She wishes to become one of them, but I can see from her features, she believed she wasn't good enough to cheer, wasn't pretty enough to be a part of the team, wasn't popular enough to be seen around them. But little did she know, I believed she was everything I could dream of having.

wrist watch

She walked the roads in search of life. The time on her wrist tells her that she has eleven more days to live, when it used to be more. Everyone was still enjoying life, more days to spend, but hers got lesser and lesser each day. Soon it will be ten, then nine, and next would be eight. She looked up at the sky, intrigued by the shades of blue, colouring the skies. She never noticed how beautiful the sky is until now. Maybe if she had more days, she would noticed the little things the world has to offer. But she spent them with love; loving a guy who has more days to live, hoping he would feel the same way towards her day by day until it is time for her to go. She thought that maybe he would love her more, now that time is limited for her. But that is not the case. He let her go, in fear he would be alone without the one he loves. She let him go soon after, in fear he might break the time on his wrist because it was too much for him to handle and decided to go with her instead. So here she is, walking and taking everything as much as she can before she has a day left to live.

blinded love

I have fallen in love with a guy I knew by heart, but not by sight. I have cared him more than I cared about myself even when he is invisible to my eyes. I adored him through his personality, and not from pictures I have of him, of which I am not sure of. He is a stranger to the public, to me even. Yet, I couldn't quite pinpoint how did I fall in love with someone who I have not met, but brave enough to start a relationship. It is honestly difficult, but it is harder to even let him go.

hatred

As much as I hated your presence for a while now, I hated the fact that your absence is what bothers me most at the moment.

unlike fairytales

If love was a fairytale

I wouldn't be lying in bed

since daylight

feeling hopeless

and heartbroken.

If love was a fairytale

I wouldn't be sipping hot cocoa

alone with silence

while my tears dripping

like a river overflowing.

If love was a fairytale

it wouldn't hurt seeing you

with someone else

holding hands and pecks on the lips

like how we used to.

If love was a fairytale

it wouldn't hurt getting my heart broken

but love is not a fairytale

it is true and real

and I wish it didn't exist.

if i stay

If I stay

would you then care of my presence?

would you then hold me in a warm embrace?

If I stay

will you still whisper sweet nothings to my ear?

will you still bring me to my favourite spots; far and near?

If I stay

could you maybe pretend to accept my flaws?

could you maybe make time for me once more?

If I stay

can you look at me like I am the only girl you see?

can you kiss me like the world doesn't matter but me?

If I stay

would you

will you

could you

can you

stay too?

more than words

I love you. I can't say how much but I know that I am in love with you. No words could explain how much I am in love with you, and I know every single word in the dictionary. But if I could invent a word to describe how much I love you, I would.

broken promises

You made promises with me

and promises are meant to be kept

but every single day

you would find a way to break them.

Each promise resembles a piece of me

but for every broken promises

a piece of me shatters

a piece of me gives up.

Now you are the reason why

I built walls and rivers around me

You are the reason why

I feel hopeless, and heartless.

summertime sadness

I'm all choked up by my own tears. I can feel vomit rising and my saliva clogging my throat, cutting the only source of my breathing; suffocating me. I'm dying, not from sickness, but from sadness.

purest form of perfection

He has that eyes everyone wooed for.

He has that smile everyone adores.

He has that dimples everyone died for.

He has that body everyone fantasizes to no bore.

But,

He has that personality I'm crazy about.

He has that flaw I mistook for perfection.

He has that anxiety I cared about.

He has everything beyond affection.

you be the anchor

And I'll be here by the ocean

just waiting to prove

that there's sunset and

silhouette dreams.

And all my sandcastles fall

like the ashes of cigarettes

and every wave drags

me to sea.

And I'm standing here for hours

just to ask God a question

'is everyone here,

make believe?'

With a tear in His voice he said

'son, that's the question'

does this defeaning silence means

nothing to no one but me.

eternally yours

You wanted me to be yours

yet you changed me to become someone else.

You wanted me to be yours

yet you degraded me in front of your friends.

You wanted me to be yours

yet you made me your second choice.

You wanted me to be yours

yet you brought someone else to prom instead.

You wanted me to be yours

yet you let me wait for you for hours alone.

You wanted me to be yours

and I let myself be yours.

turn back time

Why does life has to be a competition? Why does it work that way? Living is already challenging as it is. Why does society play a big role in life? Are their judgments really that reliable? Why must everyone compete to win a spot in life? Do we have to live up to par? How about those who didn't? What about those who just wants to enjoy life as it is, no competitions, no pressure, but to just live life to the fullest? Enjoy while they are still alive, without a care in the world. How did living become so stressful?

easily said than done

I was already preparing myself to move on after you left me alone in my room. I told myself I would soon forget you; forget all the fun that we had. But when I thought you were leaving me for good, you appeared on my doorstep one Friday night, with that award winning smile of yours that could win every girl's heart. Then right there I realized, I wasn't over you.

no matter what

I would jump in front of a bullet for you. But I know you wouldn't do the same for me. It's okay, I understand completely. But I would still save you, no matter what. You are worth risking my life for.

what is life

What is life

when all you have gone through

is torturous.

What is life

when all the people around you

torments you.

What is life

when the silence alone

suffocates you.

What is life

when all you can feel

is dead inside.

if only you knew

If you could really see me behind this exterior I build up ages ago. If you could really see me, you will be frightened by my past. Inside, I am breaking, and my scars can no longer hold me together. They are threatening to tear me apart. A past I no longer lived, still haunts me every night. With every piece of it, pushing me towards the dark side. Oh gosh, if you knew, you will take a step back, keeping the distance between us. You will judge me for sure. I am not the girl you once fell in love with. I am full of secrets; secrets I wished to hide forever, for the sake of you. If only you knew, you wouldn't want to fall in love with me.

take note, gentlemen

Acknowledge her when she is around.

Text her when she is very much alone.

Hold her when she is on the verge of breaking.

Comfort her when she told you she is fine.

Hug her when she is feeling very cold.

Kiss her when she needed you the most.

But never ever leave her.

stay for eternity

Don't you run away when you get tired of her.

what happened?

Every time we passed by the hall

you would stop and say hello

and I would reply you

with a smile on my face.

But today

you passed by me

without stopping

without glancing my way.

We stopped saying our hellos

we ignored each other's existence

what changed your mind?

was it me?

You don't know

how much you mean to me

you don't know

how much my heart aches for you.

But just know that I'm sorry for existing.

convergence

With every word you left your mark on me.

My heart is bound to you like gravity.

Do you want to leave me all alone?

I don't want to be here on my own.

So won't you let yourself converge with me.

brighter

You said that

you love her

cause that is

what she wanted

to hear but

you knew

it wouldn't

last for long.

still believing

You said,

I was the most beautiful girl

you have ever seen.

But,

I heard you complimenting

every other girl as well.

Yet,

I still believed

what you said is true.

angels can fly

Before her mother

breathe her last breath

she once told her child

that angels could fly.

'Don't worry my angel

you are not alone

as I will be watching you

from the sky above.'

Here the child stood

high above the ground

leaving everything behind her

to be with her loving mother.

'Angels could fly,'

she whispered

'I could fly,'

she believed.

So she spread her arms apart

and jumped high in the sky

feeling the wind kissing her skin

and brace herself for the fall.

again

Again,

you broke me.

And again,

I fell in love with you.

slowly dying

The moment you walked out of the front door, I knew I was dying. You stripped off every emotions within me. You took something from me; a part of me that left me dying. I have come across this way too many times from every other man. But you were different. With them, I survived. But with you, I am dying.

i'm sorry for being me

I'm sorry I ate too much.

I'm sorry I don't have thigh gaps.

I'm sorry I don't have structured collarbones.

I'm sorry how weird you look next to me.

I'm sorry my hand looks silly in between yours.

I'm sorry I don't act like a lady.

I'm sorry I have brown eyes instead of blue.

I'm sorry for having thick lips.

I'm sorry I don't wear make up.

I'm sorry I don't dress well.

I'm sorry if my kisses were sloppy.

I'm sorry I'm not good enough for you.

scars and bruises

Everyday at 5p.m, you left your office with a smile on your face; a smile I still adore. I was hiding behind a brick wall, an alleyway between your workplace and a record store we used to go. I wasn't following you, or stalking you. But I would always leave my place an hour early just to see you; a thirty minute walk from my workplace to yours, and another thirty minutes to prepare myself when I finally see you. Even from a distance, I can feel your smile radiating the whole city. It breaks my heart seeing you this happy, and I envy you that you could go a day without remembering me, as much as I remember you. And that left me wonder, did I even leave a scar after we part? Because you did.

i wonder

I wonder, how are you doing on the other side from where I am. Do you see the constellations of stars dotting the dark sky above like I do? How about the moon illuminating the sky at the far left end near the horizon? Everyday I wonder, as the sea creates a barrier between us two, am I sharing the same night sky as you?

they didn't know

They once asked me

why am I so depressed

how I become so broken

yet still manage to smile

they didn't know how I feel

they didn't bother to know.

They once asked me

if I was fine

but they're having fun

without me around

they didn't know how I feel

they didn't bother to know.

They once asked me

if I needed their help

oh God, I do, I still do

but they didn't need mine

they didn't know how I feel

they didn't bother to know.

memories

I have always hoped that maybe

you would see me in her someday.

That when you hold her soft hands

you will feel the roughness of mine.

That when you hug her skinny petite frame

you will touch the clumps of fat of mine.

That when you sniff her strawberry scented hair

you will smell the coconut flavoured shampoo of mine.

That when you look into her icy blue eyes 

you will see the dark brown irises of mine.

That when you kiss her lips hungrily

you will taste the passionate kiss of mine.

mother nature

I'm a tsunami

waiting to flood.

I'm a hurricane

waiting to hit.

I'm a volcano

waiting to explode.

I'm a disaster

waiting to happen.